(CW: Cannibalism)
I was apprehensive about posting this for fear of close-minded judgment but given it was the opportunity of someone’s lifetime, I had to share.
Those who know me, know I love novel experiences. It pays to have friends in high places and friends in low places. I’m lucky enough to have both. When the opportunity was presented to me to try human flesh, I knew I couldn’t turn it down.
I was whisked away to an undisclosed location in a major city and taken to a lovely building in a quieter part of town.
A host, immaculately dressed, with an accent that was hard to place, and a face that made it hard to tell exactly how old he was, greeted me warmly. He took me through what seemed like the back entrance of a fancy restaurant and sat me in a room of my own.
The room was dark, with an impeccably set table: white table cloth, candle, the works.
I felt some trepidation and, blushing, asked the host as to the source of what I would soon ingest.
He laughed, quite ready for the question. He assured me the limb either came from someone who lost it in an accident (not disease) or someone with an abysmally low social-credit score. I immediately felt much better knowing it was humanely sourced.
He informed me that it was quite popular among certain elite bodybuilders and Olympic athletes, even venture capitalists and some senators. “There is no substitute when peak performance is a must!”
“Indeed,” I replied politely.
My host leaned down and whispered in my ear. “You’re in luck!” he said. “There is a rare opportunity to try a still-beating heart — the General Butt Naked special.” (For those not in the know, the good Liberian general is a former warlord who used to sacrifice children and eat their hearts. Luckily for the children, he found God and switched to converting people with religion instead.)
“The absolute peak of freshness!” the host said emphatically.
I had to agree it was, but I ended up declining. The thought of chewing through fibrous valves made the idea a bit too hard to swallow. I regret not doing it now, though, given how the rest of the experience went as you will soon see.
The host motioned and the sommelier came out. He greeted me and congratulated me for being so well-liked and well-connected. I nodded in gratitude. He recommended several vintages, all of the finest quality. The host came over and assured me that as a friend, it was on the house — normally they cost an arm and a leg. Even though I don’t usually drink, I couldn’t decline and told the sommelier I trusted him to choose for me. He seemed quite pleased at this.
After a minute, the wine was brought out in a large glass. “A nice Chianti,” the sommelier said.
I was surprised to find it had a lovely taste, almost of cinnamon. I raised the glass to the sommelier in approval. He smiled, obviously satisfied, bowed, and left.
The chef came out and we exchanged pleasantries. We shared anecdotes of our mutual friends and I inquired about his culinary history. He had started as a dish boy at Noma and worked his way up. Over time, he found that the long variety of pork was his favorite to work with.
“How would you like it prepared?” he asked.
“Chef, I’m in your hands,” I replied.
Like the sommelier, he was delighted to be so trusted. He excused himself and left.
I sat, taking it all in. The whole experience felt surreal.
After a bit of a wait and much built-up anticipation, the host brought out a silver tray with one of those silver covers that Wikipedia tells me is called a cloche. He hovered his hand over, paused with much showmanship, and lifted it up with a flourish.
There, in the center of the white plate, was a small piece of meat, cooked medium-rare.
I tried not to gasp, intimidated upon seeing it in the flesh.
I took the fork and knife in my hand, trying not to show how much my hands shook, and proceeded to cut off a small piece.
The staff was polite enough to give me space but I knew they were watching my reaction from the shadows.
I felt like an extra in a George Romero movie or a member of the White Glove Society in Fallout: New Vegas. Was I really going to do this? Could I really try human flesh?
As if answering for me, my hand speared the piece I cut off and brought it to my mouth.
Dear readers! Oh, dear readers! Words do not suffice to describe the delight, the absolute delight! Salty, juicy umami! I had tasted nothing like it and haven’t since. My face lit up in obvious joy and satisfaction.
The host and sommelier nodded at each other with smiles on their faces. The chef looked pleased, knowing it was another job most well-done.
I took another bite and was caught in between the pleasure it was giving me and the bittersweet feeling of knowing it would be over soon. I took a sip of the wine and noted how it paired perfectly. It was all too much and suddenly I was up on my feet enthusiastically shaking hands with everyone and bowing deeply to the chef.
For the rest of the evening, my hosts and I exchanged tales of our myriad adventures, of our romances and our dreams.
Late into the hours of the morning, we finally said our good-byes. As I walked out into the cool air, it seemed like a different world. One full of people who will never be lucky enough to experience the finest things in life.
I may not be William Seabrook, but I hope this gives you an idea of the culinary possibilities out there and inspires you to venture outside your own gastronomic comfort zone.
Overall, I’d definitely recommend this once-in-a-lifetime experience if you get the chance.
Have you ever tried human flesh? Would you?
If you liked this, you should check out other tales my from life and stories I’ve written:
Dumped – My Short Sci-Fi Story Published in Waste Advantage Magazine
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